Greetings! I cannot
believe how quickly time has flown since I have been here. In four days, I will
wake up early to begin my 22-hour journey home. This weekend I went shopping and bought an adorable black
dress that was on sale and a perfect addition to my professional wardrobe. Now
that I am about to enter the working world, jeans will no longer be a part of
my everyday wardrobe. Getting out of the house and going shopping was quite
relaxing, as I am exhausted. The past few days, Sophie and I have been moving
furniture upstairs to the playroom downstairs. She is moving the kids
downstairs because she wants to take in a boarder. Before we could move the
furniture down, I spent many hours organizing the kids’ toys and books. The
kids want to have a garage sale, and if we do, Sophie told me that I would get
some of the money we earn as a reward for my hard work.
Organizing the kids’ new
room is not the only job that has made me exhausted. Trying to keep up with the
kids’ and household routines is not easy, and though I like kids, I have
learned from both jobs that being an au pair is not for me. As I reflect on the
jobs I previously had that I enjoyed most, I realize that I prefer working at a
school because there is more structure—and with older kids! Although my JVC job
will not be easy, I think it will be easier than being an au pair because I
connect better with older kids, will enjoy more of the responsibilities as a
Reading Coordinator, and feel challenged. Best of all, I will work with an
experienced teacher who will give me guidance (hopefully!) with the
understanding that I am a volunteer straight out of college, not a credentialed
teacher. Aside from the difficulties of both jobs and the pressure to try to do
everything perfectly, another reason being an au pair is not for me is that it
is not intellectually stimulating. Since the routine is always the same, I feel
like I have been on “autopilot” and maybe my exhaustion is a result of not
feeling challenged.
My two au pair jobs remind
me of a passage from Catcher in the Rye
that I quoted in my thesis. At the end of the book, Holden mentions the
“psychoanalyst guy” who asks if he is going to apply himself when he goes back
to school next year. Holden tells his readers, “It’s such a stupid question, in
my opinion. How do you know what you are going to do until you do it?” His response is “you don’t.” Sometimes I
hear a voice in my head telling me what was I thinking when I decided to accept
these jobs, especially since my parents had concerns. Even though being an au
pair has not been perfect, Holden is right in that one cannot know how
something works until one does it. In my case, I would not have known whether
or not I liked being an au pair until I did it.
One of the lessons I have
learned during my time in Australia is to not let other people determine what I
can or cannot do, but decide for myself what I am capable of doing. Recognizing
my own strengths or weaknesses have not always been easy when others have often
told me I could not do things I knew I could do. Although I may not have
accomplished everything I thought I could do, such as driving on the left side
of the road, I am proud of myself for not letting that stop me from coming to
Australia and giving it a try. By letting myself have new experiences, I
learned that I can do more than both others and myself think I can do. On
Wednesday, Sophie told me she did not think I would be able to get the playroom
organized by the time I left. I had no idea that she did not think I could get
the job done, but the fact that I accomplished something she thought I could
not do suddenly made me feel as if I could do anything.
As always, thank you for
reading! Keep your eye out for my last post of my time in Australia in a few
days. :-)
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